"What's My Life About!?"

“It made me question everything. I remember at one point asking myself, ‘Well, gosh, should I just put on a backpack and walk down the highway, like, what's my life about?!’”

In a recent podcast episode, Jonathan Crowley discusses his early journey into meditation and how it profoundly shaped his path. Growing up with parents curious about Eastern philosophy, Jonathan was introduced to meditation through a four-day silent retreat led by Larry Rosenberg at IMS. This initial exposure inspired him to take a ten-day Vipassana meditation course in the tradition of S.N. Goenka, a well-known Burmese lineage. Despite its physical and mental challenges, the course left an indelible impression, particularly through his experience of mettā (loving-kindness) meditation, which opened his heart to a transformative way of being. These realizations led Jonathan to grapple with how to integrate this wisdom into everyday life amidst societal pressures and conventional expectations.

Drawn to the idea of renunciation and a simpler lifestyle, Jonathan chose to immerse himself in the Vipassana community by joining Dhamma Dhara's sit-and-serve program. This decision marked a significant shift, prioritizing mindfulness and service over a conventional career path. As he deepened his involvement, Jonathan found inspiration in Goenka's universalist approach to meditation—"breath is breath"—but later began to question its broader implications on inclusion and representation within the organization. His evolving understanding of both meditation and societal dynamics is further explored in subsequent episodes.

Jonathan Crowley’s words above burst with the raw vulnerability of a soul laid bare before the vast uncertainty of existence. His question—“What’s my life about?”—isn’t just a rhetorical musing; it’s a seismic reckoning, a moment when the scaffolding of societal expectations collapses under the weight of newfound awareness. Meditation had pulled back the curtain for him, revealing the fragility of the structures we cling to—career ambitions, material pursuits, even identity itself. And in the stillness of that realization, he was left with nothing but the road ahead, the metaphorical backpack, and the great unknown.

This is the cry of every seeker who has brushed up against life’s deeper truths, the discomfort of glimpsing a reality beyond the scripts we’re handed. Jonathan’s moment of doubt isn’t a failure; it’s the spark of something extraordinary. It’s the courage to confront life not as it’s been prescribed but as it truly is—open, unpredictable, alive. His words resonate because they echo the call within all of us to step off the beaten path, to strip away the unnecessary, and to find the essence of what truly matters. It’s not just a question; it’s an invitation to live authentically, no matter how daunting the journey may seem.