Episode #74: Courage Under Fire
Just a short window of five minutes might have saved the life of Dr. Troy…but he doesn’t feel good about it.
In a country where just practicing medicine can now be cause for arrest, Troy is a part of a network of underground doctors who tend to patients in secret, often using rudimentary equipment in undisclosed locations. Earlier this year, he was on his way to relieve another doctor, but was delayed in traffic. And when he finally arrived at the location, he found that soldiers had stormed in just before him and arrested his colleague, charging him with weapons possession. The weapon? A scalpel! That doctor is still in prison, a fact which weighs heavily on Dr. Troy to this day.
Incredibly, Troy notes that the junta has charged doctors participating in CDM with committing genocide. To date, over 600 medical personnel have been arrested, with more abducted every week. When doctors cannot be found, their family members are taken in their stead; in some cases, informants have pretended to be patients, entrapping doctors with fake calls. And arrest by the military junta is nothing to be taken lightly. Many doctors have not been heard from for months, and face torture, intentional COVID infection, and even death. “We know of the risks,” Troy admits, “and we take every precautionary measure. But we need to do this, despite the risks, in order to save the lives of our own fellow men, and to do our humanitarian duties as doctors.” Troy is further motivated by a sense of survivor’s guilt, and still suffers in not knowing the condition of the doctor arrested in his place.
Operating within Myanmar’s current conditions is far less than ideal, given the severity of injuries they are seeing. In order to increase capacity, doctors have begun to train Burmese civilians in secret to perform some basic medical interventions if a doctor is not able to come quickly. So far, they’ve trained 1,500 volunteers. He notes: “We are getting feedback that many people feel more confident in taking care of each other… because they're not safe to go to the hospital, even if someone is having medical emergency, it is not safe to go outside. Because one can be shot anytime, on the way to the hospital.”
The strategy to begin these trainings was largely borne out of the tragedy that occurred on March 27, now known as the siege of Hlaing Thaya. Even though doctors had been anticipating the violence, and were prepared with supplies at nearby medical tents, military roadblocks prevented the injured from getting out—or doctors from getting in—and so many wounded eventually succumbed to otherwise treatable injuries while trapped there for days.
Compounding matters for Troy and his colleagues is the Third Wave of the COVID pandemic. Because the military is preventing the importation of oxygen concentrators, and the black market cost of oxygen canisters have skyrocketed, the situation is dire. People have been left to fend for themselves while quite literally gasping for breath. “Everyone knows that it is now uncontrollably spread among the population,” he notes. “People are panicking and taking a cocktail of drugs in hopes of decreasing the symptoms if they cannot prevent it. Many die indoors every day. New clusters are appearing everywhere. One can be killed by a bullet outside while protesting or can be killed by COVID-19 in one's own home.”
As horrible as the situation is, Troy still sees some reason for hope, in his own way embodying the optimism and sacrifice that so many Burmese today are exhibiting in their quest for freedom. “There's always a silver lining. Even when we are living in such a tragic situation, we have found a unity that we haven't seen in our history, and and the generosity of the people.” By coming into contact with so many people willing to stand beside these brave doctors, taking on the same risks, Troy notes that it motivates him to do all he can.
Still, he has to acknowledge the toll that all this has taken on him and his fellow doctors, as it has now been nearly a year since they’ve been living and working in these conditions. “It's really hard for the doctors to cope with this situation, because we are really exhausted, both physically and mentally. We are getting psychological trauma every day, and it's really difficult to stand up again and fight. But if we stop here, all our effort will go nothing! All the lives that have been lost will go with it.” Because so many have already died for the dream of democracy and human rights, he notes there is a desire within the medical community to honor that sacrifice by doing their part going forward, no matter the danger.
To deal with the stress and mental trauma, Troy has tried to fall back on his Mogok meditation practice, but like so many others at this time, he has been unable to string together even a few moments of mindfulness, being unable to concentrate. So he has relied on the camaraderie of his fellow doctors, often finding calm moments to confide in the shared struggles they are facing. At times he does try to observe his breath, but when is unable to, which is often, he goes to the feeling of his legs, which often grounds him enough to return to the breath. His Mogok practice has helped him to understand his mind, even when confronted with these difficult moments. “Focusing on my thoughts, even after facing those agonizing tragedies, I can continue this journey with full attention and focus. And I think that's because of those trainings and those habits from the meditation that I did in the past.”
And he feels that meditation also helps his medical practice. He notes that his ability to find the pathologies of a disease, analyze situations, recall his medical training and act decisively are sharpened by a meditation practice.
As a Buddhist practitioner, he tries to send metta to his aggressors, acknowledging how they must still be suffering through this. No matter what they are doing on the outside, he feels that internally they must be haunted by their evil actions. And even as they commit further atrocities, their own sense of fear must surely be increasing, as they must further lie to themselves, numbing themselves to the truth of their actions. But still, it is hard, given the atrocities that have been, and continue to be, committed.
For Troy, his own path is clear as he continues on in his work. “We are not going to give up now, or ever, until we we achieve or we achieve the true democracy of our country.”