"I will not be the one who puts any civilian in danger."
The following was written by Htet Myat, a former Tatmadaw soldier who has since defected, and translated by Yuu Tu. The story is made possible from the team behind Breaking Brainwashed.
I recently made contact with a senior officer who had been close to me in Tatmadaw.
I was so happy actually, because we were as close as blood back when I was a soldier in the Burma Army. I spent many hours talking to him on phone, and also with his wife and children.
His wife asked me where I was staying, and she offered me a bowl of curry.
She asked me, “Is there someone who cooks for you? We are always remembering how you ate Nga-Pi-Yae and Thot-Saya. As our business is not good, we have to eat that almost all the time these days. That’s why we are always remembering you, Sir.” And she told me to take care myself again and again, as she would tell a child. That’s how close we were
When I was in the Tatmadaw,I always gave my money for them to eat well, and especially made sure they had adequate meat and fish. I cannot forget the taste of her special dish, ”Nga-Pi-Chat’. “.
Although he and his wife know that I defected and joined CDM, their children never learned that.
So, when I talked to them, they told me, ”It is too long that you went away for this time, uncle. Please buy us seafood when you come back, Sir, we want to eat, and we are hungry. “
For the lower-tier families from Tatmadaw, seafood is an almost unheard of luxury. So, I felt good that they could eat this because of me. But I feel sorry for them as their children are waiting for me, not knowing I ain’t never going back there.
After that, the officer and I fondly recalled other memories, like the time I provided school fees for his children, or when I gave him money the birth of his most recent baby, and I still remember how I said, ”You have to pay back this time. I only said that as I don’t want him to feel upset about my generosity. And I also helped him as long as I could to pay back his debt and open up a small shop. He repeatedly said “Thank You” for these acts of kindess.
So my friends, you can say that I am proud of myself. But that’s just my nature, because I always think how can I help others and benefit my surroundings, wherever I am. But what I mean to say is, it is not that I was the only good one there.
They were also good for me and even treated me like a real family member.
Once he said, “I still can’t believe that you did CDM!” Well, I didn’t miss a beat, so I responded just as quickly, “Well, can you maybe bring yourself to believe the Tatmadaw’s actions since the coup?”
He was honest. He said, ”It is ture, Sir. I couldn’t ever imagine a situation like now.” And he continued, saying, ”We had somewhat of a different attitude than those families outside. As you taught me, I know well about what is called ‘Civilians.’ I thank you, Sir, for that. Don’t worry, Sir. In whatever situation I find myself in now, I will not be the one who puts any civilian in danger. I promise you this, Sir. “
Here, I want to say thank you to him publicly. I feel like blood brothers. And I give my respect to his attitude. Even though you might not believe me, I am sure that there are many soldiers like him.
I said to him, ”However, try your best, Sir. I am always here for you. Think carefully about your family and children and then decide what is best for you. And if there comes a time when you’ll be sure ,let us come together and join the same mission as before.“
He said back to me, ”I believe you, Sir. Please keep in touch with us and you are always my BoGyi, Sir. “
When we finished talking, I sensed some kind of regret in my mind. I was not sure that I was sad or sorry or angry or what, really. I do believe that there are many soldiers like my friend who have a good attitude and are left in the Tatmadaw. I am now trying my best to bring them out, and have them stand together with us, the people and the civilians.
I want to pull out these good ones from the broken Tatmadaw organization. I will try in various ways to be the one who can take responsibility for them.
I’ll try my best. I promise you this
When the dictators becomes mad with power, all the lower peoples are in danger.