COVID in Myanmar: A Meditation on Death
A Burmese meditator has written the following reflection and given permission for it be shared publicly. As Better Burma was able to provide his family oxygen in the end, please consider continuing to support our work so that we may save more and more lives.
“It's a long time I've been remote from Facebook and out of touch to learn about the world and my country's affairs since we caught illnesses. I just looked through 'Insight Myanmar' page and read some articles, listened to some podcasts.
I'm just writing to share know my thoughts about what have been happening within my mind these days and somewhat that my family encountered and found out over the period of Kāyika Dhukkha (bodily sufferings).
When my wife and I were first touched, we got distressed and depressed quite often. Our thoughts were running away and we were so emotional. We often lost our emotions and easily shed tears whatever someone talked to us, or whatever we talked, and whenever we spoke about something. I especially felt depressed. This was because we had no medical consultants at that time (couldn't think of and find any medical doctor to consult with), we couldn't buy sufficient supplements and vitamins as required, we even didn't know what medicine we should take, and the worst was to know about the scarce oxygen (both cylinders and gas). Every items of medicine got more expensive than previous and ever. The prices of oxygen cylinders got increased and it was scarce to find or get a cylinder even when we decided to buy one at last. We even didn't know where to get a cylinder and fill it with gas after running out. (Here, thanks to my eldest brother who lives in Monywa and who has been away from home, and his friends who carried a cylinder and searched medicine around the city for my father.) Especially, when I was sick, I couldn't get even a single cylinder when I was hard of breathing. One morning that I was having breath problem, a call from my niece rang my phone nearby and my mom picked it up to answer. Since my mom didn't want to make me any depression, she went away and spoke on the phone but I heard my niece's voice shaking, that her grandma (from her father's side) was having too hard breathings and too fast heart-beats. And, my niece wished me to speak to my friend, a nurse at a private hospital in Mandalay, and wished to enquire if they could admit her to the hospital as she had already been suffering a heart disease for 6 years and not having a caught of corona. As soon as I heard partly a few words, I was too emotionally crying after I spoke out to send my Metta (loving kindness) wishes for the said relative and all beings as I was aware of the worse situations of many people due to the pandemic those days and the thought was always on my mind. Due to my cry, I was harder in breathing and my wife shakily calmed down me but I could well notice her tears depositing in her eyes, too.
After I could calm down myself, I just told my wife the nurse's name in a low voice and asked her to call. However, no answer from her and later I knew that she was also caught with corona. That evening, my niece's grandma passed away and the family couldn't even cremate her body as in tradition. I was emotionally thinking about it in the next days on.
This is my nightmare days but I was relieved gradually as my wife treated me in amazing patience to convince or motivate me to eat food though my abdomen had not been accepting. One evening, I could have just half a bowl of very little rice and she scolded me like a mother to eat and then she was shedding tears. I motivated myself to eat and finish it up, then I did. My wife has been nice and patient to me more than I can say.
These are my silver memories in the dark cloudy days of my sickness for 4-5 days. After all and my isolation period for over 14 days, I learned that one's family is very important to himself/herself at the hard times, indeed. My family around me was only the thing that keeps my breaths on.
Before my sickness and in the days when my wife and I started to take isolation from other family members, we took Ānāpāna contemplation (breath exercises) together, listened to the Dhamma (Vipassana) talks of the great monks believed to be arhats, such as Mogok Sayadaw (passed away and remained relics) and Maha Bodhi Myaing Sayadaw (present), etc. We both were scared of the death and we tried hard. We all are now believing that we could overcome these hard sufferings through Dhamma (meditation). Although we were not perfect in mindfulness all the time, and especially while breathing too hard, the Dhamma (our practices) worked itself in its own nature and helped us at a right time. We breathed in the steams of boiled water and we perceived every single in-breaths along with a mindful practice and perception of a quality of the Enlightened One (Buddhānusati Bhāvanā). We particularly learned that we were ignorantly forgetting to notice our breaths at our healthy days which means we forgot to contemplate ourselves what's happening to our body and mind though they are displaying their nature and the truth of Dukkha (constant flux and timely deaths) even in the times that we assume 'normal' with no sickness. We have discussed and made some agreements that we would be able to easily overcome the hard sufferings if we have practiced the Dhamma (meditation) daily in 'normal times' and accumulated the 'meditative experiences' that means 'the experiences that our body tells us the truth and its nature while meditating', and the insights (to which the experiences lead). Now, when we are already recovered, our mind usually enjoys or finds to enjoy in mostly evils or sensual pleasures. ("Pāpā samī ramati manor.") Hence, we perceive this non-profiting tendency of our mind and try to practice to keep our mind to enjoy in the bliss of meditation before we face our real last breath which (we can guess) it would mostly be deadly suffering due to our tremendous attachment towards our body. Otherwise, we will definitely regret and we'll be in big trouble then. These are the thoughts which have come to our mind after this hard time of illnesses.
Another thought that came to my wife's and my mind, is a good optimistic perspective during our early days of isolation, though we were emotionally depressed very often later. We were scared of the pandemic and protected ourselves by following the precautionary measures since before the third wave was expanding. (We just noticed it that just a small lack of mindfulness through a very close relative's visit brought it to my family. However, we were optimistic enough to ignore to point out to anyone. As soon as we noticed immediately, we started to take isolation and thus all the family members were not infected.) My point about the aforesaid optimistic perspective, is that we felt it is good _ we face this hard suffering first of all before the other family members because we could look after them when they face it. It was true, just before we got fully recovered, my father was already suffering with decrease of oxygen and continuous coughs, with shaking abdomen. We urged all other members to stay away and managed my dad in his isolation and treatments, just except my wife and myself who would look after him, feed medicine and give oxygen. We were the kings of the family then. (We told all family members to avoid visiting us frequently since the beginning of my wife's and my isolation. They visited us once or twice a day to motivate us, though. They, of course, spoke to us from a notable distance. They also asked us by phone in the same house, every morning and evening before going to bed.)
'Family' is whatsoever important to one. We could overcome these hard times for our 'family' for sure. After my dad's hardest days, my family visited our room and we all listened to Dhamma talks (I played by a small bluetooth speaker) and took meditation together at some spots distant from each other. After we passed these hard days, we keep doing it. Of course, we must.
In short, I am happy that I learned many priceless lessons and had precious experiences with the family and the fruits of Dhamma during our 'dark cloud' times. I am happy that I could well look after my dad who is my 'Alive God'. These are the 'silver boundaries of the dark clouds' for me. These are truly 'the goods among the bads.'
Now, my father is getting improved and healthy. Deep thanks to all from 'Better Burma' and its networks that helped me and shared an oxygen concentrator for my father. May everyone of you all attain the Insight through which you are not attached to all your bodily and mentally sufferings. May your good Karma flourish the flowers of good health and happiness in your life. May your good deeds guard you well.
We all should take refuge in the Dhamma, indeed. We must take meditative practices in our daily life to defeat the Mara (Death) for the peace of ourselves and the world, as well as to foster our courage and insight for our last breaths. We must take these profiting practices to still alive, too.
Also, please, enlarge your affection on all beings these days. Since I became aware of unhealthiness, I could have well developed my Metta to everyone. May everyone be healthy. May everyone be in good health.”