Choosing the Dhamma over Love
The interview with Sayalay Khanticari, a Colombian nun at Pa Auk in Myanmar, was one of the most vulnerable and heart-felt I’ve had yet. She describes first falling in love with her husband, then the two of them falling in love with Dhamma, and the difficult decision they faced in determining their commitment for freedom was greater than their commitment to one another. Following is an excerpt from the talk.
“And each one of us, supporting each other… how to break that, this friendship, and being partners in Dhamma, and just supporting as we can to support each other in our practices.”
“And it was like we didn't have time to talk... we were just involved in our practices. And you know, Pa Auk has a very clear boundary between monks and nuns. We have a very clear separation... I mean two different communities. Each community has a different dynamic. Of course, we have the same teacher, but it's a different life.
And so he was in his life with the monks in the male side, and I was also growing my life with the with the nuns in the female side. So, actually, that was just a natural separation. And yeah, difficult though. But finally, like at that moment, we were just okay with it. And each one of us, supporting each other… how to break that, this friendship, and being partners in Dhamma, and just supporting as we can to support each other in our practices. This is also kind of a good thing to have a friend so close like that, like from the first time like [when taking] Goenka courses, like 'how was your meditation? What happened with you?' We kind of have this communication now, like 'How are you? How is your practice going, what do you think?'
And also, the seeds that grow in you have this sense of [being] so precious, 'oh let's share!' And also we met so many new people with the same kind of purposes, and working together to figure it out. How we can just also put our own seeds, or how to put some water in the seeds that are already there. So, yeah, right now he continues his path and my way also, and just supporting us as friends and I'm happy as still to be to be here in Myanmar.
I used to be a lawyer. So our marriage was legally not considered marriage for the law, but actually we had some papers and then this is very easy to just make another note to say ‘not anymore from this time.’ Actually, we visited later to Columbia. He went as a monk and I visited my family as a nun at the same time! But we didn't actually do any paper or anything because there was no need. And because actually, our relationship has been always connected with Dhamma.
My family didn’t understand [why we got divorced]. I think they cannot be sad because they don't understand what is happening! His family's is okay because they are from the capital, so like the mindset is a little bit more open and different. My family is more worried about my future like what will happen in old age and dah dah dah....”