Memoirs of a Burmese COVID-19 survivor

The following true story is written by Aung Kyaw Soe and translated for this blog by Kyaw Thin, with the help of Nwe Thein.

Firstly, on my return from the jaws of death, I wish to say that it was the power of the Triple Gem that I survived. While I was on the ventilator, facing death, it was the compassion, love and prayers of the following people who saved my life and to whom I shall always be indebted and ever thankful;

I would like to share my experience of contracting the Wuhan virus. Why did I contract it? How can one prevent it? How did I survive over 140 hours of “marranampi dukkam” - the suffering of death?

i) Venerable Oxford Sayadaw (Senior Abbot)
ii) Venerable Tipitaka Shwekyin Sayadaw Phayargyi
iii) Venerable Dr U Pannyavamsa, Oxford Buddha Vihara iv) Venerable Warwick Sayadaw U Khemadhammo
v) Most Venerable Goat-hteik Sayadaw Phayargyi
vi) Most Venerable Hti-thi Sun-lun Sayadaw U Sumana vii) The Monks and Nuns of Sabava Yeiktha headed by the Most Venerable Sayadawgyi
viii) Venerable nuns of Mogok Yeiktha
ix) The Most Venerable Monks and Teachers of Vijjodaya Vihara, Prome
x) My mother Daw Aye Myint who spent all her waking hours praying for me
xi) My wife, Ma Aye Moe, and son, Chris
xii) My younger sister, Ma Phyu, my elder brother, Ko Win and big sisters, Ma Nyaung and Ma Thuzar
xiii) My friend Ma Ohnmar Hlaing, who pestered the Most Venerable Wooden Door Sayadaw Phayargyi to pray and send his blessings to me

It is the loving-kindness of all these ariy± (noble) people that pulled me out of the jaws of death and to whom I bow my head down repeatedly to show my gratitude and veneration.

1. Why did I contract the Wuhan virus?

It was because of my vipka vutta (consequences of past deeds) catching up.

Why has it caught up with me now? According to the Venerable Pilot Sayadaw, it is because I had been always thinking about the virus.

Yes, I had been constantly worried about the Wuhan virus and had been following the news on the Covid virus, day and night, on various media sources. In short, I was totally engrossed in it and my whole existence had been revolving around it. One could even say I was reciting and developing the qualities of Covid (a euphemistic Burmese phrase used to compare the total attention to Buddha’s qualities)

This, in fact, is avoidable by not following and being afraid of coronavirus and not worrying constantly about it. By concentrating one’s thoughts just on one’s own Dhamma (Buddha’s teachings), one can avoid this malady.

And at each and every moment in time we are always changing in our existence. Hence, no wonder, the virus gets the opportunity to infect me.

In fact, I had this tendency or personality before this happened. During the Monks’ Uprising of 2007, I had gone through a period of anger and sadness which affected me personally first and later I became constantly upset by thoughts of economic and materialistic ruin, and thus my whole existence had changed then.

Not long ago, a lady had retorted to a young nurse, saying that she was not a mechanical toy and so why should she just stay in-doors at home. This was on Facebook. Then there were abusive remarks about migrants returning home and that they all should be killed or that they were useless people. Reading these remarks on Facebook causes sadness and mental distress which are both akusalacitta (unwholesome thoughts or emotions). So when such emotions arise, then this provides opportunities for consequences of akusala (unwholesomeness or badness) to arise. This is also a thing that can be avoided.

This is the reason why one contracts the Wuhan virus. It can be easily avoided.

2. Over 140 hours on a ventilator in Intensive Care

A week after I developed a high fever, I started to cough and 3 days later, I started to smell something like frying oil and developed difficulty in breathing. In truth, there was no smell at all blood pressure fell, making me feel like fainting. The doctors and nurses attending, encouraged me to fight it, stay with them and don’t go (faint). One nurse hugged me and I could hear them all shouting at me to stay with them.

They immediately put me on a ventilating machine and one anaesthetist gave me a general anaesthetic and started to perform a treacheostomy (making a hole in the throat), to put a pipe down my windpipe and various other pipes and lines connecting me to a cardiac machine as well. I knew that the percentage of survival once a person is on a ventilator is very low. When I recovered from the anaesthesia, I was totally unable to move with my back literally stuck to the mattress.

Then when my blood oxygen level dropped to 87 I was admitted to hospital. At the hospital, they gave me oxygen without much effect. My temperature remained at 39 HC and both my heart rate and I admit that I am not a very religious person but an ordinary person or putthujjana. I had not practised meditation when I was healthy and well to the point I could tolerate the suffering of death or dying. I now had to think of how, as an ordinary person, I should face this terrible possibility. I knew now that my only refuge would be in the Triple Gem – the Buddha, the Dhamma and the Sangh± (assembly of Buddhist monks).

While the temperature remained at 39 degrees Centigrade and struggling to breathe, I had to think of how to start meditating. The first thing that came to mind was what Goat-htaik Sayadaw Phayargyi had taught of how to relax and let go of one’s attachments to one’s body and mind. When I did that, I started to see the sabhvakhandhi (natural physical body), but due to the intense vedana (experiences or feelings such as pain), I was going in and out of consciousness, and was unable to pursue the trend of my contemplation.

Then, I started to contemplate on Sun-lun Sayadaw U Sumana’s sermon on peace and tranquillity, that he had talked about just before I was hospitalised, in which I had to practise anpana (breathing) meditation. With that I started to feel calm.

Gradually I started to see the difference between nama or citta (mind) and rupa (body or physical matter) and so, using the teaching of jhana at the Vijodaya, Prome, I analysed the body or rupa and with that my blood oxygen level started to rise.

When I became conscious, I would straight away contemplate on the Dhamma teachings of Thare-Inn Sayadawgyi, based on the fact that we are just composed of a physical body or rupa that is impermanent or in constant change, and a mind or n±ma that just wishes to experience or feel pleasantness. And in the end, the realisation dawned on me that all of this impermanence is not “I, me or mine” and is entirely out of my control. I also began to realise that everything in life is impermanent and eventually has to disintegrate and disappear and this “I” would also be like that eventually.

With that I was still semi-conscious and confused, hardly knowing whether I was coming or going.

This realisation of impermanence, also led to the stage where I started to lose the emotions of soka (sadness) associated with my impending, possible death and separation from my family.

With the development and help of this wisdom, I then contemplated on the anatta sabho khandha (the natural tendency for all physical matter to be impermanent) which the Sabhva Sayadaw had preached. I discovered how true this was that things were always in flux and constant change, and nothing was permanent. It was also proving the point that the nun, Sayalay Khemaramsi, was always making that there is nothing to start with and all that we see is something taking the place of another thing that has just perished or disintegrated.

It is similar to the description Sun-lun Sayadaw U Sumana gave of trying to be aware of an object or something that has no awareness itself, using citta (the mind) that has the nature of awareness or consciousness, and both the object and mind, also constantly changing and being impermanent. I came to see this clearly.

I felt that I was now free – free from attachment to this pain and the family. I was ready to move to another life calmly, without worry.

I had not seen any bad gatinimitta (visual omens or prophesies of the next life). As a putthujjana (ordinary person) I had been able to close the gates to apya (hell) for this life.

I was still in and out of unconsciousness when I heard the doctors and nurses telling me with glee, that I was out of danger.

It is surprising, and I find it difficult to believe, that all the hospital staff could treat me with so much compassion and kindness, especially someone so close to death. I feel so much gratitude to all the NHS staff who are able to have such metta (loving-kindness with no expectation of anything in return) for anyone, regardless of colour, race or creed, that I am driven to tears of joy and thanks.

From the ICU I was moved to an ordinary ward where I recuperated.

Soon I was ready for discharge home.

We will all be free of this calamity. May you be well and happy.

I think I have said enough.